Most days, I am scared. Some days I cry. Other days (mostly at the end of the month), I curse my private college education and my inability to use a credit card wisely throughout most of my 20s.
Disclaimer: I am PMSing as I write this. Tomorrow I might just feel super peachy, but for now, I am PMSy. Bear with me.
I realized that failure isn’t running out of money or doing something wrong. Failure is doing nothing. Failure is not even trying.
My Spring began with three setbacks:
1) a minor work-related back injury that limited my working hours and had me on chiropractic treatment three times a week (I’m on twice a week now). The injury (again, minor) flared up a lower back pain I had been quietly ignoring for the past year. While the upper back pain was covered under worker’s comp, the lower back, however, wasn’t. Monetary damage: about $500.
2) Having only purchased my Bernina sewing machine a couple weeks ago, I was sewing at Modern Domestic in NE Portland, which was fine and dandy, until the back injury when I was advised to take it easy on the sewing. Modern Domestic is five miles from my apartment, getting there required a bus transfer carrying all the fabrics I was working on which caused even more strain on my back. So for weeks, I sewed maybe 3 hours a week. Damage: my carefully crafted product-launch timeline.
3) And the WORST OF ALL, my allergies have been absolutely uncontrollable this season. Being a waitress, I can’t quite go to work with snot falling out of my nose. It’s kind of gross. Well, it’s TOTALLY gross. Monetary damage: an extra $500-700.
I am whining, I know. First World Problems. It’s extremely challenging to launch such an ambitious project when my total monthly expenses hover near $1800 a month and I don’t earn much more beyond that number (I live on my own and, well, I’d like to reference the first sentence of this post to demonstrate who receives most of my hard-earned money). Most of my waking hours are consumed by restaurant work, feeding myself, commute, and now, chiropractor, MD (and apparently I have to go get an xray soon, whatever) visits. I am O-VER-WHELMED.
But if I quit Little Bright Studio now out of fear that I will become penniless then I would have fuckin’ failed and you have full permission to call me a pansy. There are kids out there that need microscopes and pencils and, dammit, we may be able to actually help them with that!
I can’t quit now.
I’m too legit to quit.
Yeah, I went there. Okay, I’m done.
p.s. ANY ONE ELSE SO FREAKIN OVERWHELMED BUT EQUALLY EXCITED BECAUSE LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL AND FLOWERS ARE PRETTY AND omg I hate pms.
p.s.s. Again, minor injury. I am apparently 95% healed and my visits will just be 3-4 a month!
p.s.s.s. omg you HAVE to visit These Are Things. ISN’T THAT THE CUTEST WEBSITE EVER???
p.s.s.s.s. WHY DO I KEEP YELLING AT YOU